Crying and laughing are also similar physically. When I laugh my stomach muscles flex and relax, my face flushes red and my breathing takes on an irregular pattern. When I cry all of these occur, too.

I learned as a child to stop the flow of tears by hearing my father scream, “If you don’t stop that crying, I’ll give you something to cry about!” I learned to stop the tears by flexing the muscles that surround my tear ducts. I did it so often that I forgot how to relax them. I didn’t really need to learn to cry. I needed to remember how to cry.

I had also learned not to focus my mind on anything that would evoke my emotions to a point that I might begin to cry. I needed to re-learn/remember how to stay in a mental place of feeling. 

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly as I learn to do it. One of the most important things I learned was not to expect instant success. I learned not to beat myself up for being unable to cry. I believe that chastising myself for my inability to let the tears flow would have made me less able to feel. It would have strengthened my need not to feel and slowed the process considerably. 

This process takes time. It took me over a year before I was able to cry the first tear. It was worth the time and effort and wait. You have probably been blocked for a number of years, decades in many cases. It will take time to change. Please commit the time and be patient with yourself.

I would suggest that you begin each session with a prayer. Just tell God what you are trying to do and ask for His help. Then sit quietly for a few minutes in His Presence.

There are several tools that gave me considerable assistance in my quest for tears. The Reader’s Digest and Chicken Soup for the Soul contain lots of heart-warming stories in every copy. I suggest that you get a copy and select a quiet spot, maybe under a tree in your back yard or by a gently flowing river or in a room in your home where you won’t be interrupted. Begin to read.

When you feel the emotions starting to flow and the need to cry emerges, stop reading and focus on whatever you just read. Do not focus on trying to cry, as this will stop the emotional feelings. Think of the beautiful passage you just read and try to relax the muscles in your face and begin to flex and relax your stomach muscles. Think of the passage as long as you can and continue to try to slacken your facial muscles and flex and relax your stomach muscles. Do this until you feel the emotional peak has passed or until your tears begin to flow.

Once the emotional peak has passed, whether you cried or not, reread the passage and if you are able to touch the feelings again, repeat the process. If your urge to cry does not reappear, continue reading until you are touched again.

I suggest you plan about three sessions per week of about 30 minutes each. 

Another good tool is movies. Go to “chick flicks”. There are some really touching ones. Use the same physical exercises mentioned above as you feel the need to cry in the theater. 

Certain books are also great tear starters. One of my favorite novels is The Education of Little Tree. Use the same technique we discussed above.

Audio-tapes and CD’s are another good source of emotional food. The Education of Little Tree is available on tape and CD as are a number of other books and seminars. I also suggest anything by Leo Buscalia. 

My own first break through was via audio-tape. I was traveling a lot during the time I was trying to learn to cry. I would listen to tapes and when something would touch me I would try to cry. 

For months I couldn’t even get close. Eventually I would feel like I was about to start to cry so I would pull over to the side of the road. As soon as I put on my blinker and started to slow down the feeling would pass. This happened many times before I was able one afternoon to get the car stopped and sit still and cry. What an exhilarating experience! 

It was wonderful to be able to finally get a few tears out but it was not like the dam had burst. I still had to continue to make effort and do the things we’ve talked about for many months to improve on my ability to let the tears flow.

Today I can cry whenever I need to but my learning is incomplete. I am now in the process of learning to talk while I cry. I have some success to report but this part of process is not finished.

My ability to stop tears did not go away. I can stop them anytime. If I’m in an inappropriate place for crying, I delay the tears until a better time.

Once your ability to cry is relearned you may find yourself crying at times and not knowing why. Don’t worry about it. Your mind doesn’t have to know why you are feeling. Besides, you are probably a few decades behind on your crying. You are just catching up!

When I’ve had a good cry I feel like my soul has had a warm shower and dried off in the sunlight of the spirit. I hope this process blesses you as it has me!